I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
