I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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