Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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