I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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