does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
