fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
