Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
