Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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