I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
