I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
