Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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