So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
