I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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