i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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