she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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