i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
