I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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