you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
