im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
