ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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