I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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