Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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