i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
