the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
