Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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