Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
