I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
