That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
