He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
