he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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