my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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