Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
