I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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