if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
