Farmville is her only friend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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