Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
