I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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