who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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