Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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