Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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