finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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