I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
