we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She told me I should be a condom model.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need a beard to bite.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
