Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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