I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
