with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
