he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
