you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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