ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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