your parents love me but you hate me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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