Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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