I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
