Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is the high leading the old right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
