i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
