I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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