There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
