dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
