Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
