Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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