Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
