apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My Sexting was not on an AP level
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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