It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
