You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
