What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
