Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
