I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
