ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
