I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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