Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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