how can u be prego again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
